Social norms: Coming out to society

Self image. How does one define this. Is it personal view of who you are or how other people view you. Self image is all about your personal view but that can be majorly influenced by others. This concept is own as the looking glass self. Ones view of ones self is based on how others view you. Sometimes in our life we live as the looking glass self. I know I have struggle with this concept for a long time. Since I decided to be Harper more in public life at work, I have embraced my self image more. Of course this has been incredibly hard. It takes self confidence, pride, joy and being happy. There is always a constant worry of what others are thinking of your especial when it comes to social norms.

Those social norms are hard to break in society when one choses to come out to people. Actually I don't really like the term coming out. I like opening up to society and people. I opened up to society by expressing who I am at work, friends and my wife. I want to finally be able to be me and open up to people and let them know my true self. I am tired of hiding who I am. I struggle every day and for almost 30 years I didn't know how to express myself to friends, family, and my wife. It has been incredibly hard to step out into public life as someone different than what people think you are.

Several weeks ago I had a hard conservation with my wife about my gender dysphoria. I have been telling her about my dysphoric thoughts and possibly being transgender. I was surprised by her response because just a few hours before I had this conversation with my wife, I had it with my therapist. My therapist said I have known for a while you are transgender. My wife said the same thing that she knew for a while with our conversations that I was transgender. My wife has just been waiting for me to admit that I was transgender. I was rather shocked because all our pervious conversations that was never brought up. Thats when I realized I have not opened up to myself about who I really am. I can express my gender dysphoria to my wife, a few friends and therapist but not really to myself. The "coming out" or in my terms opening up starts with you. Sure there are some transgender individuals that have known since they were born but there are also individuals that have suppressed these thought for whatever reason they did (thats another topic for another day). I have suppressed my true self from myself. Thats what the unconscious mind does, it protects itself . I realized once my wife said your transgender that omg I am transgender. I said it out loud to someone for the first time. My wife asked how it felt to finally admit it and say you are transgender. Well it was weird saying I was transgender. It was hard to accept I was a transgender woman. I felt like I had been living a lie my whole life and why didn't my mind just let me explore this all those years ago, well it had go reason (once again, a topic for another day).

Since that day admitting I am a transgender woman I have felt better about myself. I have felt more relaxed. I feel like my confidence has grown to go into public more as Harper. I know I have a long way to go before my self confidence is fully there to live 100% as Harper but its a journey and I don't have to do it over night. I also feel like after admitting I am transgender I feel like I also have been able to manage my anger issue somewhat better. Its not perfect but definitely better. I am transgender! I am different but no different than any other human on this planet. My female conscious mind was just born in physical male body. As I become more accepting of myself, I know I will be able to grow as Harper and make a positive impact in this world. Loving oneself is the first step in the process. There are many people in this world that don't accept transgender people and make it difficult for transgender people or anyone of the LGBTQ community to love themselves and open up to themselves and others. There are people that love and support you for who you are. I know stepping out of my comfort zone and wearing clothing that I want and expressing myself in public at work, I have found some of my co-workers are very excepting of me and don't care about what I wear. They are just happy I'm here and alive.

Since admitting I'm transgender, I have told two of my co-workers I am transgender and my name is Harper. They have fully accepted me as me and are willing to support me in any way possible. It is very rare I go to work fully as Harper (still working on that self confidence) but last week I decided I was going to work as Harper. It was a fantastic day. My female co-workers invited me out to lunch and it was just girl time. I felt so welcomed and one of the girls. There was no judgement I felt. It was so relaxing. I knew being in public with them I had nothing to worry about. They had my back. We even went to a yoga session together. They really made me feel truly like a woman that day.

Whatever your journey is and hardships you have in your life, being open and honest with yourself is truly the first step. It is a hard step especially if those thoughts and emotions have been suppressed for years. I am glad I have finally admitted to myself I am transgender. It still is along journey but I know I am building a strong supportive network of friends to help me on this journey. Every person in this world is unique and has a beautiful story to tell. Let your light shine onto this world.